Part of the crowd
SMILE
S ensations tug at the corners of my mouth
M aybe this time I’ll be included
I ntelligence beyond the ordinary
L ove our unique perspective
E motions that move me through life from feeling the sensations tugging at
the corners of my mouth.
To the wonderful people of Cafe VIVA - your visibility and presence in our community has made me smile because of the change you are making every day in everyway.
I wrote this poem while sitting at Cafe VIVA - a cafe just around the corner from where I live and I passed it on to them. If anyone’s interested they can have a look for themselves about this Cafe. So it was no surprise to me that they won the People’s Choice award at the Bathurst Business Awards for hospitality. And better yet - I spent the night celebrating on the dance floor with a live band for entertainment dancing with some of the staff from the Cafe. They know how to have a healthy good time!
Before 2018 when I began to address some very traumatic history of mine I felt “part of the crowd” in my own way. I was confident in who I was, forever grateful to be waking up in my life - DESPITE - so many events I wouldn’t wish on anyone, I was a bit confused at a few things going on in my personal life: but nevertheless, content and peaceful as possible, happily creating my own path in life as part of the crowd.
And then my life became a bit more difficult. Lots of influences rocked my steady self in 2018, as I went into damage control personally and fierce advocate for stroke/disability space publicly. The energy this all took was enormous and I felt overwhelmed at every point on a continual roller coaster of uncertainty, always wondering if all the effort was worth it? Unfortunately, I wasn’t supported in the advocacy space for who I was - and that further disabled me at a very personal level. Under pressure, I made mistakes, own it, apologise and move on.
Over the last two weekends, I have returned to that feeling of confidence in myself - first by dancing freely at the business awards, and second by taking part in my town’s yearly fun run because the last time I was in the fun run was in 2018. It felt like I was in a holding space I was so unsure of how the next part of my life was going to pan out.
EYE’S WIDE OPEN
Today my eyes were wide open.
And an unfiltered stream of life flowed into my thirsty brain.
I wondered about everything that settled into parched crevasses of my mind,
Like seeing greying pieces of coral light up with colour,
Alive with activity.
Matching this tsunami of stimulation:
Comes noise!
Sounds, that settle onto swollen bruised surfaces inside tender ear canals
Vibrating relentlessly on delicate membrane
Linking these two normalities of life makes my head hurt !
Then comes the need to say something,
To contribute to life,
I hesitate before continuing boldly:
My contribution
What will happen to my voice as I respond to life?
When I revisit where I was for the substance of this poem, I was barely there, barely in the bed, my energy body whipping around myself to keep me in this world. Turning rage and confusion going on inside myself at the time into somebody liveable and loveable - this memory is beyond my expression as I rewrite this moment.
With strength and confidence!
Sue