RUNNING INTO 2025

RUNNING INTO 2025

Moving towards an emotion,

I can't quite identify.

Allured by fulfilment,

Not a passer-by.

I'll create a language,

Which doesn't fit a box.

Float amongst pink water lilies,

.....pleasure.....

Movement and gypsy frocks.

Recalling burning fire,

In my belly as a child.

The desire to right wrongs,

Supressed and breathing wild.

Would a flame be analyzed,

Symptomatic, medicated.

I chose the free alternative,

Breathed and meditated.

Running into 2025,

Shaking of the past.

The jiggly and the wobbly bits,

Crying "Freedom, here at last!"

If I'd run faster way back then,

I would have passed too quicky by the teaching,

Staying still within the lesson,

To find the hearts I now am reaching.

A new year bringing hope for me as it always does, hope and reflection creates movement for me - no matter how small that movement is I always think it's a move forward.

Facebook reminded me of my first Stroke Safe Ambassador talk I did in 2017, I thought I was part of a collective movement while setting up the table which I'd be presenting from. I didn't do many presentations - as I'd finish always surprised by the reaction people gave to me about my own stroke experience. Triggered deeply by personal comments made to me about what happened - so I always trying to deflect back to the reason I was doing the presentation: to raise awareness of the big picture of stroke, stroke prevention.

Since 1993 when I had my stroke the deep deep yearning I've had to know about what was going on in my brain and body as I raged internally to be treated as a smart and intelligent woman!

I looked at the photo taken from my first presentation which Facebook showed me and a recent photo of me running. Lot's has changed in my life, what hasn't changed is my drive, that's never changed! I run now - loving the progress that I've made has allowed me to say "I love running!"

I remember making the long drive down to Melbourne from Wangaratta for medical appointments after my stroke. Not enjoying that continual feeling of burning in my brain which led to me feeling like I always needed to be doing something rather than resting. As I said with a thick slow voice what was on my mind in the appointments (energy and concentration was limited by fatigue etc) I needed to attend, said things like - " I feel like I can do anything" which if somebody had taken the time to break this down with me would be interpreted as "The feeling of burning in my brain doesn't allow me to sit still and I am exhausted by this - yet everyone wants me to set goals and do stuff and this leads me to think that I'm a burden if I sit still. I want to understand what is going on in my brain so I can be a part of my recovery, not just a bystander with a set of symptoms". In short - I wanted to be empowered by knowledge that would increase my ability to be involved in life by understanding what was going on for me. I wanted my ex- husband to be part of the conversation, not just him sitting there while the focus was on me.

There was a voice recorder in those appointments in Melbourne - I know everything I said was being recorded and analyzed, was it a true representation of me, definitely not! How could it be I was way out of my comfort zone, operating from a stress response.

So I'm running into 2025 knowing that information is more available and more easily broken down into information that stroke survivors can relate to. This is just the start and I was a part of that, now I wonder "What's next in 2025?"

I used to write a lot of Blogs on Enableme, I used to write a lot of poetry as a call to action - I've made them all private now. There was always one message I'd repeat,

Never Give Up - that message is for stroke survivors, carers, researchers

Nina Wilde aka Sue Bowden

DEAR ME…..

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