This is my voice

THIS IS MY VOICE

This is my voice,

And I will not stray,

From the life that I’ve lived,

Which made it that way.

A voice which witnessed,

A depth of knowing….

Jostled and trampled,

My spirit almost stopped flowing.

Returning in trickles,

Because too much too soon,

I disappear and hide;

Weave a cocoon.

I struggle when captured

Tired and weary

Pace is important,

Or shining eyes become teary.

In shadows of night’s moon

Or day’s warmth of bright sun.

My heart is so open,

Possibility has begun.

In the course of a day I can live in so many worlds - how lucky am I!

From the views behind me in this photograph taken when I was about 18 years old. My voice at the time if I were to think back always sounded a bit quiet, a bit in awe of life, a bit saddened by knowing too much too soon for my age, a bit hopeful, a bit peaceful, and a bit polite.

I remember that time - no matter what went on in my day, or what I acknowledged about life I was already in touch with my spirit and the spirit of the land whether that was felt from climbing down the steps of the school bus to be embraced by an air space so much bigger than my life. Or to remembering the sheer excitement of being in a school playground of such diversity in Papua New Guinea. I have found it hard at times to find someone else who related to this awe. I have needed the memory of how that awe felt - how lucky am I to be taking steps to reclaim that feeling!

This is my voice, can I use it for love not hate? Can I somehow soften the delivery and tone of language given through Health reports and assessments in the disability space? My stroke didn’t just leave me with physical hurt - my spirit was so wounded at the narrative of what was then reported and said about me, it hid from view so ashamed of this new storyline. Deep pain leads to deep knowledge which then led me to deep Systems Advocacy and now I will sit back patiently to see what unfolds from all that work while I reclaim my spirit again.

The older I get, the younger my spirit feels and I am even more moved by the awe in life, once I tune out to the negativity. I want to hang around in this positive space while I can, that’s the poet in me and this is my voice…….

Peace
Sue