A life of dance
It’s 1977, I’m 7 years old and introduced to dance through attending Ballet class while living in Papua New Guinea - I smile widely, thrilled that I can feel so much joy joining in the circle of little ballerinas skipping. I am constantly told by my teacher not to land so heavily which confuses me because I feel so light! I also witness Sing Sing’s in PNG - celebration through, drums, fire and dance - a traditional way of expression. I am amazed and alive with music and dance firmly implanted in my world.
It’s 1980 , I’m 10 years old and we’ve been back in Australia for a couple of years now, I’ve stopped asking to be taken to Ballet Class, I’ve stopped asking when we are going back to Papua New Guinea and I’ve stopped saying “There’s no one to play with” as I’m back in the bush. I look at the photo of me in my Ballet Shoes and I hold onto the memory of how it felt to move and dance.
It’s 1984, I’m 14 and Blue Light discos have made their way to my local regional town Wangaratta in Victoria. It is with an ache in my heart I navigate the monthly request to attend these social events. It’s so complicated, we live out of town and there is little encouragement to attend a healthy social occasion. I dance with a certain clunkiness that I don’t enjoy. I just want to feel free as I’m struggling to find the confidence to head out onto the dance floor amongst all the teenage insecurities I have.
The Blue Light Disco originated in Victoria in March 1983 and reached the Southern Highlands in June the same year. The first town to host a Blue Light Disco in New South Wales was Deniliquin. The disco was established as a community program to provide a pathway for police to interact with younger people.
It’s 1985, there is a debut on at school. This idea is not even considered in my home - I am beside myself, it is an opportunity to celebrate life through dance. That is the only way I see it. I preserve with my want to be involved. Somehow I am successful.
It’s 1986, I’m 16 and I’m in full-time work in a male-dominated industry - I hate myself and can’t escape this decline of self. The only dancing I do now is in my head - I’ve made up my own aerobics routine to music I recorded on a tape recorder, the likes of Boy George, Madonna, Elton John and Dragon aren’t received well in my family home. But this little routine I’ve developed is absolute survival for me and I practice diligently!
It’s 1988, I’m 18 and now able to go to pubs. Quickly learning that the safest place is actually on the dance floor to avoid unwanted pinches on my behind while walking through the crowd besides, on the dance floor there is no pressure to drink alcohol. I still don’t move freely like I want to. Dancing now seems to have become a spectator sport from others in the pubs. I’m confused.
It’s 1991, I’m 21 years old and I ignore the ribbing my now ex-husband receives from his friends as we slow dance around on our Wedding Day.
It’s 1993, I’m 22 years old and as I lay unable to move in my hospital bed after my stroke, my mind turns to the movie Footloose as I’m aware of my precarious life and death situation. Recalling Kevin Bacon in the movie Footloose reciting from the Bible to the church board to say that “there is a time for every purpose under heaven……….there is a time to dance. “ As I struggle to make sense of my new way of being and search life memories for hope I am so tuned into my empty surroundings. Feeling my heart making irregular flip-flops in my chest, I use my mind to think of a music beat for it to gain some rhythm and purpose to keep beating. When earphones are put on my head and ABBA is played I soak up the soothing sound of “I have a dream” as I visualise myself dancing and swaying to the music in the future. I am NOT GOING TO DIE !!
It’s 1998, I’m 28 years old and I dance with my two young children to the Wiggles, we laugh and smile all the time while dancing, I am so free!
It’s 2005, I’m 35 years old, with three young children now, two working parents and a busy schedule I find a gym, now using an RPM and Pump Class to have music and movement back in my life - fitness Goals? Forget that, I’m just pretending I’m on a dance floor as my legs spin and I smile widely on the exercise bike.
It’s 2010, I’m 40 years old - it seems the only dancing I do is when I turn the music on and cook dinner, dancing while stirring the Spaghetti Bolognese.
It’s 2018 I’m 48 and involved in some work in Newcastle. I attend a free dance class held in a community hall. We dance in the dark - WOW - I need more of this! But it’s not in my home town and I still make the most of music and movement when I return home by attending the gym.
It’s 2020, I’m 50 and the world is hurting - we have a Pandemic. Every Friday night sometime within the first Lock Down I am part of a zoom “Not canceled Dance Party” these Friday nights are fantastic as a small group of people meet, dance all via zoom and then say goodbye until next week.
https://www.facebook.com/643142335/videos/10157293616687336/<p>Hello, World!</p>
It’s 2021 , I’m 51 and in between Lockdowns, I’m in an Upstairs Hub to try and start this business of mine. Life is super stressful on all fronts and I put my earplugs in, heading to a safe spot to dance - there are cameras which record what goes on in this space and I don’t care what people think of me as I groove away. Making it clear I NEED TO MOVE AND DANCE for my health, not for anybody else’s entertainment within the space.
It’s 2023, I’m nearly 53 and I have found my tribe! A week spent exploring the 5 Elements Dance where those who attended this class were given guidance to move and express ourselves in a safe and supported space. We explore the elements of Earth, Air, Water, Fire, and Spirit. I am free as I close my eyes swaying, stretching, moving, feeling. remembering, visualising. The music takes me and the others on journeys, we tell stories through our free dance, we release our own “stuff” and celebrate each other through dance. This is amazing!! I return to Bathurst and discover a Just Dance event and my first night back from the Camp - I attend. WOW - I enjoy every beat, every moment as I never take for granted my ability to move. Kevin Bacon couldn’t have said it better “There is a time to Dance”. That time is every minute of every day!
1977 ready for Ballet Class in PNG
DANCING EYES
Reflection
Seeking familiarity
Aware of hollow pain
Far away pools of nothingness return my gaze
Where did they go?
My dancing eyes
Reassuring me of goodness in life during times of uncertainty
Stabbing feelings in my heart and head
Constricting breath
Distress over their absence
My dancing eyes
Where are they?
Recovery, discovery, healing
I see my dancing eyes
I see me