Enter: happy runner

I TRIED

I tried and it worked

I tried and it didn’t work

I tried and was ignored

I tried and was called inspirational

I tried and was laughed at

I tried and was lifted up

I tried and was nervous

I tried and was contented

I tried and was confused

I tried and was relieved

I tried and

I tried again.

A lot of my trying in recent years has involved trying to have a credible presence in advocacy, in life. So I kept trying, bumbling my way along - I’m fully aware when I’m not wanted and when curiosity about my strength changes to being excluded.

So - enter running - looking past all the suggestions that didn’t resonate with me, to the ones that did. I began my intro to running on a treadmill - hanging on for dear life because of my wobbly gait, I had no thoughts sixteen months ago of entering a half marathon. My treadmill running was simply a warm-up.

During the half marathon, I completed two weeks ago I ran past:

My five year old self in a running race, ending last and being told by a man at the finish line that “I’d had too many weet-bix for breakfast”

My six year old self understanding that I was slow and not someone to have on a team

My seven year old self delighting in learning how to float, how to skip and spin

My eight year old self wondering how to enjoy movement when it hurt to breathe and move

My nine year old self disappearing

I ran past sneers and triggers as my hips became tender at about the 15klm mark in that half marathon, then I ran past my 14 year old self on a 10klm walk-a-thon at High School, I developed blisters which bled during the walk. I kept going on that walk-a-thon, wondering which was worse, stopping and being ridiculed for not being able to complete the walk, or keeping on walking and being questioned at the end about why I didn’t ask for help when my feet were bleeding and blistered.

I ran past a life of confusion, disability and exclusion after my stroke

I ran towards change and fulfilment

I ran towards SWEATING IT OUT

I ran towards disability inclusion - in every way

I ran towards self-respect

I ran towards breathing easier

I ran towards the beat of music which kept my heart beating during times of intense sadness and stress in life

I ran towards people who have seen me put my all into recovery and physicality - THANK YOU FOR YOUR GUIDANCE AND BELIEF

I ran towards feeling my whole body being juggled about after 21klm of running, feeling it settle back into a different way of moving, thinking and knowing as I spent the next 2 weeks recovering.

I ran into a sweet sense of satisfaction as I crossed the finish line - this still makes me smile :-)

Enter - happy runner !!

Nina

I