Recovery
The definition of recovery in health related terms is "A process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life and strive to reach their full potential.”
Striving to reach my full potential - I have always been aware of my internal drive, to continue on regardless. Not wanting to give in to a life half lived despite so many barriers to a peaceful existence. I am in this life for the long haul, just like so many others.
A process of change - life was always changing, I tried to turn up, show up, and live up to whatever was put in front of me. I took my responsibilities so seriously, spontaneity was a way of taking myself out of that serious space and refreshing myself. There are so many simple ways to go about refreshing ourselves, I usually turned to becoming mindful or my surrounds, practising gratitude for what I had and music. And that refresh allowed me to continue on the process of change.
Looking widely at how we as humans, lived, grew, adjusted to demands, how we survived. I found the human journey so grounding. Like I belonged in a larger community - even if I didn’t feel like I was visible in my own community.
Recovery - as a way of life. I didn’t know any different from a young age. I saw the life of pain and disconnect from a young age in those around me.
FIRE TO HEAL
Born into fire to heal
Disconnect vibrates with first breath
Community a source of belonging or exile
I see gatherings of energy
Souls connected by absence to the
"Birth right of love”
Why tame this shift?
Lean into the gift
Of a love developed out of the progression of human kind
How can the unrestrained cry from such a deep place be wrong
A pain that grew wings
Large enough to embrace a world of hurt
Delicate enough to sooth a soul emerging from the fire
Needed to heal
In terms of the Medical Profession around me at the time, peering in to see if they could work out what was going on in my thoughts, it was suggested by my GP (the one who had previously sexually assaulted me) that I must have been thinking “Why me?”
I recall looking at him suspiciously, I didn’t like the angle he was coming from and it filled me with terror that other people were trying to “GUESS” how I might be feeling.
I responded with as much composure as I could, trying to make sure I got my words and message right that. "I was training to be a nurse, and was aware that anything could happen to anyone.”
If I look at my response a little deeper, I know that really where I was coming from was that I was already disconnected from the world through childhood trauma, and this current situation was another “something’’ for me to manage. How can I be so specific all this time later? I just can.
The evidence on how much our body remembers is clearly documented in research. Let’s remember that.