Influence

The power of influence from interactions has been so important to my ongoing recovery, well being, sense of self and day to day living. Because my interactions with the world are also influencing others. I try to leave a positive impact or at least an impact where people are moved to reflect on their own lives positively.

The positive influences in my life prior to my stroke came from mainly what I read, stories of survival and adventure had a calming affect on me. I wasn’t alone in life if I had a book I could turn to.

When I experienced life threatening events and then needed to re-grow myself to a point of self reliance, peoples influence around me was critical to my health. Yes there were therapies and actions and practicalities but I was needing more than that.

My life had been saved by a Doctor and his team going beyond what was no doubt protocol - I received treatment to dissolve the blockage in my brainstem over 24 hours after it happened. I was entered into a trial of thrombolysis (clot dissolving treatment) at the time - how LUCKY was I that this treatment successfully dissolved the blockage in my brain stem. My presence on earth was fading leading up to that life saving treatment. I can write about this and remember that feeling, my energy scattered around. But my life was saved and then it was up to me to reclaim that scattered energy.

When my Doctor made his rounds and spoke to not only me - but the other patients in my ward of healing - it was like waiting for permission that I could continue to breathe and live, despite the state I was in. I was being essentially looked after by someone who I realised was a very important health professional in the hospital I was in.

Over the years since 1993, I would sometimes sent my Doctor who was now a Professor, Christmas Cards - then when I became curious one year I googled him. He had gone on to become the President of The World Stroke Association. I sat still at my computer smiling quietly to myself when I read that news feeling awed by the fact I had been influenced by such a game changer in the world of stroke.

When I found the Stroke Foundation in late 2015 - I wondered if I would get the opportunity to meet up with Professor Davis - and yes I did. It was an amazing opportunity to thank him in person, and tell him about some of the things I remembered from my early recovery but was not able to communicate at the time. Some memories which kept me going in those very very dark times.

Things like: me watching the Hot Air Balloons outside the Rehab window - I would think about how graceful the balloons looked, so unlike me at that point in time.

I let Professor Davis know about the movie I reflected on during my time in rehab which also influenced how I viewed stroke. He hadn’t heard of The Patricia Neal Story which was a story about the Hollywood Actresses own journey of stroke recovery in the 1960’s.

I thanked him for allowing me out of rehab to see The Phantom Of The Opera which I had bought tickets for previously.

Here is a photo and a poem which I wrote not long ago about how important it was for me to hear his footsteps walking down the corridor.

Me with Professor Stephen Davis 2016

IT WAS HIS FOOTSTEPS

This is me now

This is what I have been reduced to

And I'm screaming inside for connection

I search the faces coming into my space, my vision

And I see fear reflected by those familiar to me

My internal scream turns to despair

They don't know me

They don't see me

And they are fearful of who and what is before them

So I tend to them from my bed of rest

And I respond to their distress

Until my Doctor makes his way down the hospital corridor

I listen for his footsteps

The pace, efficiency, consistency

The clarity of his presence in my chaos

It was his footsteps, the pace, efficiency, consistency

His reassuring voice to all who were in his reach

It was his footsteps, pace, efficiency, consistency

It was his unperturbed gaze meeting my searching eyes

He saw me as a competent, capable, compassionate human being

And I rose to meet the knowledge

I walk with pace, efficiency, consistency

My presence

I rise above chaos

My voice a song of reassuring words to comfort

My gaze rests in spaces of compassion which we thrive on as humans

It was the sound of his footsteps which kept me in this world.

With love and light Sue :-)